Facilitating Constellations - Look for the Fit Part 3

Here's a wrinkle. You say you're doing well with Looking for a Fit, and Ask, Listen, Learn First-- the networking techniques for Family Constellations I taught you in my previous two posts. But now you're getting into long, endlessly empathic conversations with potential clients--or maybe just acquaintances.

How do you end these gracefully? At some point, these initial contacts become free counseling. They can take up a lot of your time. Or even give the impression that you are comfortable with pouring out a great deal of help without compensation or any exchange of value.

There's a short and simple way to handle this problem too. It's called Qualify the Client. And it flows right out of our first principle here--namely, that you are not selling, but Looking for a Fit. The Fit, as you will see now, goes both ways.

More About "The Fit"

Looking to see if a person is someone you and/or Family Constellations can really help is only part one of "the fit." Because, of course, you need to evaluate the person's readiness to act, as well.

So is the conversation getting too long? Have you led with empathy, and Asked Listened, and Learned how best to present Family Constellations--and done enough of that. Now part two of the "the fit" comes into play. This second part is a matter of: "Does this person have the will and the resources to work with what I'm offering?"

This is called Qualifying the Client. The way to end "endless empathy" conversations is to start asking the person what, exactly, is she or he planning to do about the problems brought up. Gentle questions about intentions, timing, and budgets are the key here. Such as:

• "How important is it to you to solve this problem?"

• "What's your plan for moving forward in solving it?"

• "How soon are you thinking of doing something about this?"

• "What sort of financial resources do you think you will commit to this?"

• "How interested are you at this point in working with Family Constellations to solve it?"

• "How interested are you in having my help in doing this?"

The answers here tell you immediately how to manage the latter stage of the conversation. And the questions themselves are a very legitimate and polite way of helping the potential client to realize that you are not available for overmuch in the way of free counseling.

One very powerful, bottom line qualifying question goes something like this. "So let me ask you. Suppose you come out of this conversation convinced that Family Constellations are the perfect way to solve your problem. Or that I'm the perfect helper. What happens next?"

End with an Invitation--Always

So your initial Family Constellations networking conversations should shift smoothly towards obtaining this other kind of information about the person. This movement towards Qualifying the Client is an art, of course. But an easy one to practice and learn.

Are you thinking, well, this is great--but you skipped the part where I do explain something about Family Constellations? That's true, so we'll go there next post. But first let me leave you with a final tip.

Always end the conversation in a way that invites some next step. If the person is "sold," make an appointment. If she or he is interested in constellations, but lacks resources or has to wait--offer another conversation at a later date. If she or he wants to work with constellations, but perhaps not with you--offer a referral to one of your colleagues.

And even if there's no interest at this time, leave a welcoming door open in case this opinion changes over time. Or in case the person realizes what you do is right for a friend or family member. This way, no networking conversation is ever a waste.