Facilitating Constellations - Look for the Fit Part 1

When you speak to potential clients about Family Constellations, trying to "sell" them--that is, attempting to persuade them somehow--is not the best approach. You know yourself, everyone has a whole defensive system that comes into play whenever you feel someone wants to "sell" you something.

You are suspicious, for example, that they will stack the deck. You won't be receiving a fair and balanced appraisal of what they want to persuade you to think or do. They might employ other clever tactics that make it hard for you to get a clear picture. And in your practice, you find having to do that yourself distasteful anyway.

There is a much better way, which I call "looking for the fit."

This puts you on a level playing field with your potential client. Just as she or he is evaluating you and what you have to offer, you are also evaluating her or him at the same time.

The question you keep in your mind is: is this a person I want to work with? How much will I enjoy and be able to help in doing Family Constellations with this person?

Usually, it's refreshing to a potential client to feel that you are seeking to learn about her or him and want successful interactions more than simply another client to add to your income base. And believe me, this works better because it disarms the sales situation defensiveness.

Often, it's appropriate to even say something like: "You know, I'm just here to find out if you're someone I can really help out. So ask me any questions you like, and please don't mind if I ask you some too. I really want to understand just what your needs are."

I'll get into how you generate those questions you might ask shortly in another post. And also, it's good in "looking for the fit" to have already clearly in your mind what the characteristics of your "ideal client" actually are. I'll be talking about that as well.

But for now, remember this. You are not there to "sell." Persuading someone that you are the one they should choose to do their family constellations is not the way to frame your interactions with potential clients. Relax and think about getting to know and evaluating the person, just as much as they are probably evaluating you.

You are just "looking for the fit." That is, you are looking for your next success story in relieving suffering with family constellations, and you earnestly want to know if the person you are in conversation with is someone who can share that success.